Tiera's Page

Hi,

So a second entry is long past due. I must say it seemed almost immediately after I posted my first entry that God began to show me more about myself. If I am not mistaken, it was the Sunday after I posted the first entry that a guest preacher/evangelist visited my church and gave a message that made me cry from my soul. I know it was a God thing because I have never just burst into tears in that way in a church setting. It was the type of cry you do at home when your dog dies. But, it flowed from some place deep inside of myself. The message was related to forgiveness/forget and fruitfulness. The unforgiveness and hurt in my life towards my father was preventing me from walking into the total fruitfulness the Lord has in store for me. Not getting his love unconditionally, not being his number one priority is the one of the root causes of my own personal quest for & lack of desirability. There is just a lot of hurt left in my heart from my dad not wanting to be a consistent presence in my life. He lived 2 hrs away for the majority of my life and rarely visited once/yr. But, I have proclaimed forgiveness and have chosen to walk in that forgiveness. It's not easy, but the choice is a commitment to forgive. The other day he called me and asked if I lived close to Durham. I said yes. I immediately knew that he had some female friend that lived in Durham because in my four years of college he has been to my campus once. Every time he visited my family in Charlotte was because he had come to be with a woman in the area. So, I knew immediately when he asked me if I lived close to Durham his intention. He thinks: If I come up there, will I have a place to crash if need be? So, he tells me that he might come visit a female friend of his in the area, and he couldn't possibly not stop by and see his daughter while is out this way. If he only knew how much I would pay for him to just come visit me because I am his daughter. BUT GOD!

The visiting evangelist/preacher said that God will make us double fruitful so that He can cause us to forget the hurts and wrongs of our past like Joseph. AMEN! I know that God has a great blessing for me. I know that God wants me to forget the hurts of my past, and I know God wants to make me double fruitful. Forget that you were always last place in your earthly father's life because I, the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob have grafted you into my family tree. He now calls me daughter. His love is unconditional. Forget the hurts and the broken promises of your old father because your God the Father has set up greater for you. The fruitfulness that I will rain down on you in love will cause you to FORGET. Amen.

I believe this was truly a word for me directly from God. Amen! Not even but a few days after I told you all that I wanted God to begin to show my the roots to my heart. God is going to replace the hurt in my life and unforgiveness with agape love and shower down a blessing over my life so rich and abundant that I will forget my past trouble. Hallelujah! Amen.

So, the next time my dad wants to visit me because he is visiting another female. I will say come on! Stop by! God has blessed me with guest room and extra food. Come and partake of what the Master has prepared for me.

Eventually a lovely husband will come along with that...hahahaha.

God Bless you all. I pray His love, abundance, and blessing will rain over your lives. We are children of the Most High God. Let's walk in His authority. Let's walk in His FAVOR.

I told myself I wanted to become more active on this site. It is such a powerful site. Filled with strong women of God who are believing and talking boldly about everything related to marriage and sexuality. Of the posts I have read, you women are definitely laying it all out on the line, bold. I feel free to share my own struggles because you have shared yours.

Three out of my five closest friends are in serious relationships and an acquaintance of all of ours recently got engaged. I am so happy for all of them. It is not hard for me to believe that these women have found the men they want to spend their lives with because they have never been short of prospects. See, I'm not jealous of the fact that they are in relationships. I know in my heart it is not my time yet. But, I can't help but wonder about some things. These three women (four including our acquaintance) have had consistent suitors. They are all beautiful women and strong women of God. Saved (and unsaved) men have always approached these women. Now, they are all in serious relationships. I, myself, have not been approached by a single saved male in my life. Of course, there is the usual obnoxious guy who beeps his horn at you because the saw the back of your head and considers it a compliment. But, I have never had a serious interest expressed in me by any guy (saved or unsaved). I have been the girl that receives the superficial, fly by comments from guys who have no serious interest in getting to know me.

I can't help but wonder if my two single friends have been seriously approached by Christian men. All I'm saying is there seems to be a correlation between those of us who have been consistently approached and those of us who have not. Any thoughts?

I know I am not ready to be in a relationship right now because I am still dealing with desirability issues. I have noticed a bad trend in myself to crush on almost any guy that gives me the slightest bit of attention or sense of desirability. The problem is that these are those fly by, superficial comment guys. 10 times out of 10 they are not saved and just like to be flirty. They have no real interest in me as a person. For them, their comments are just a game and playful, but my emotional response to them has revealed a deeper issue for me.

At the end of the day, I want to be so comfortable with myself that a compliment by a guy (saved/unsaved) won't send me into a tail spin. Again, I'm not talking about the guys that shout you down in the mall or honk at you on the street. They'll do that to anyone. I mean the guy friend that calls you sexy but never makes a move toward getting to know you more than his comments. This superficial type of comment should not affect me. It's hard to explain, but I know someone out there knows where I am coming from. The fact that I have never been seriously approached by a guy that is really interested in me and who I am as a woman/of God has left me with a void. I know God can fill it. I think he is beginning to show me that it is more deeply rooted than I knew.

When you think about it, please pray with me that God will continue to show me the roots in my heart that need to be uplifted and removed.

God bless you all. Thanks for letting me share.