Missy W.'s Page

Posted by Missy W. on March 24th, 2008 at 9:20pm
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I have been broken lately. So broken. The kind of brokenness that means my life will never be the same.

But I really shouldn't complain.... after all, I prayed for this.

I have been praying for God to change me, to make me new - but now that God has whipped out His pruning scissors and is snipping away at me, I'm all up in arms about it.

I was foolish to think that being like Christ would come easily; prayer can be dangerous to a sinner's comfortable life.

I am hurting. I miss being comfortable. I miss being ordinary. I miss being lukewarm... because man, the fire is hot!

Today, I have never been so disgusted by my sinfulness and saddened by my lack of love for God. It hit me like a Mac truck and I have literally been nauseous all day. There is no comfort, no peace, no rest.

My prayer over and over today has been simply:

"God, I just want to love you more. Please. That's all I want. All I want is to love you. I just want to love you more than anything."

A few minutes ago, God led me to a song by JJ Heller called "Only Love Remains". I don't have the words to describe how this song has perfectly matched the cry of my soul. I am so thankful for the women that really love God and allow Him to use their talents to bless the broken.

It's like my heart burst into song. How often I forget that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what I need, even before I ask for it. He is my good and perfect Father who gives me whatever I ask for in His name. I'd cry but I'm too busy singing!

Scenes of you come rushing through

You are breaking me down

So break me into pieces

That will grow in the ground

I know that I deserve to die

For the murder in my heart

So be gentle with me Jesus

As you tear me apart/

Please kill the liar

Kill the thief in me

You know that I am tired of their cruelty

Breathe into my spirit

Breathe into my veins

Until only love remains/

You burn away the ropes that bind

And hold me to the earth

The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth

I begin to see reality

For the first time in my life

I know that I'm a shadow

But I'm dancing in your light/

Teach me to be humble

Call me from the grave

Show me how to walk with you upon the waves

Breathe into my spirit

Breathe into my veins

Until only love remains/

Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever stop singing this song. I don't see how I ever could. Forever I will sing.

He loves me so much. And His love makes me respond in LOVE.

Posted by Missy W. on March 18th, 2008 at 5:17pm
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My friend and I were chatting about marriage and how much we long to be somebody's wife and then it hit us ... Men don't do this.

Men don't sit around in Starbucks talking about how they broke down crying because they feel like God might be calling them to serve Him with a life of singleness lol. (Haven't we all had those moments?)

It seems like women are the "yearners" while men are the "procrastinators" when it comes to marriage.

Now, I don't want to generalize but there seems to be some truth to this. After all, most of the women I know are ready to be married like... today, but most of the guys I know see marriage as something they'll get to eventually. Oh yeah, they want to be husbands and daddys but later. We are the ones that jump up wide awake and ready to go while they're smashing down the snooze button to snag some more sleep.

I think I speak for most women when I say that I think about marriage every day. Often. It's a part of my life. I rejoice in the fact that my marriage will be for God and the glory of His kingdom and the perfection of His Bride. Who would ever want to delay something so incredibly awesome? I pray that more men would put this in perspective, and not linger as singles but take aggressive action towards finding godly wives.

I think we women need to intentionally pray for single men to get a deeper hunger for their wives. Awake O' sleeper! They need some passion. They need to yearn like we do. They need to burn. They need to be awakened and open their eyes to what glory awaits them in marriage.

Posted by Missy W. on February 25th, 2008 at 9:00am
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I have never been more aware of God's grace or more in love with God as I have been this week. He has set me free! I am free! All these years, I believed I was a prisoner to sin. A slave to my stronghold of habitual sin. But God renewed my mind through His word by His grace. It is all clear to me now: sin is dead, it has no hold on me, it never did. O the wonderful Savior! There is much reason to rejoice! We are given grace upon grace upon grace.

Let the world know that we are Christians by our ridiculous joy. By our radiant smiles. By our giving hands and open arms. By our love that doesn't respect circumstances -- let it just pour out like wine. Let's get the world drunk on Christ's love. Just do it. May His kingdom come through us who know Him and delight in His amazing grace.

Posted by Missy W. on January 8th, 2008 at 1:16pm
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This morning right before my time with God, I had this overwhelming desire to have a love affair with sin. (Tell me I'm not the only one this happens to!)

I am desperate for love. I don't just want love, I need it. All the time. But I don't just need to feel it, I have to know that somebody just totally loves me!

In the moment that I push God out of my heart, sin feels like love. Oh, for me, sin is the great love imitator. Sin tastes good, sin feels good, and it seems so easy, so effortless, and dare I say - liberating.

I've come to realize that Satan is a real pro; man, he is really good at what he does. He sugar-coats my poison and I just gobble it right up.

Thank God that His truth is still written on my heart. Sin is death. Christ is life -- no, even better; Christ is abundant life; life overflowing; life in all of it's fullness and glory.

And so the fight began.

In the silence of my dorm room this morning, I cried out something like this:

"God, I really need to feel Your love today. Otherwise, I am going to sin. It's not that I don't love You, You know that I love You. I love you so much. But without feeling the fullness of Your love for me, I am so desperately empty and sin comes so easily. I'm going to search for love in other things. I just know that I am going to forget all Your mercies and I'll find myself caught up in the temporary pleasures of this world. Dont' let me turn to another lover! There is no lover wilder than You! I need You to overwhelm my soul! I need to be certain of the love that is written all over these pages: the blood You spilled on Calvary, the mercy of this new day, Your forgiveness, Your faithfulness, Your deep intimacy with me. How can I forget the love of the Cross? How can I ever leave You and go search for love in this world? All love flows from You. All I need is in you. Jesus, You are all I want. Be my everything. Your love will never die -- it is unfailing, it is unending, it is unshakable, it is incorruptable, it is undefiled, it is pure, it is true, it is everlasting. You are my only satisfaction."

Thank you Lord that You don't love as the world loves -- Your love is sooo much better.

Posted by Missy W. on January 6th, 2008 at 7:15pm
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Whenever my friends and family speak with me about why I don't have a boyfriend, I usually get one of following responses:

"No sex, no touching, NO KISSING until marriage? Psssh, good luck with that!",

"Oh, just give up now. You're too high maintenance. You'll NEVER keep a man that way",

(and my personal favorite)

"Who do you think you are, Mother Teresa?!"

Encouraging, isn't it? With each passing year, I find that it gets increasingly more difficult to keep the bar this high. But in spite of my weariness, God keeps whispering strength into my heart,

"Trust me. Just trust me".

And I've got to. No matter how long it takes, no matter what the cost. After all, it's all for His glory.

Today, my faith was renewed as a dear friend and I sat for lunch. She said something that shocked me:

"I've decided that I'm saving myself for marriage. It's just better that way."

Her words took me by surprise not only because she isn't a Christian but because she has had multiple sex partners and is currently in an involved relationship. (Needless to say, her boyfriend is beside himself about her new stand for purity).

I can't even express how joyful I am that she has decided not to have sex again until marriage. I consider that a victory for Christ.

God-1, Satan- zerooo! Woo hoo!

Hey, maybe I can convince her not to kiss until her wedding too.

Baby steps, baby steps.