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Candice Watters

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Candice Watters's Profile

Candice Watters (getmarried): Female
United States

Hometown:: Colorado Springs, CO

Relationship Status:: Married

About Me:: After graduating from Regent University and marrying Steve Watters, we moved to Colorado to work with Focus on the Family where we founded Boundless webzine. I served as its editor for five years. Now I write regularly for the site about courtship and dating, getting married, and figuring out where kids fit into it all. Additionally, I answer questions from readers in "Boundless Answers: Women,"a bi-weekly advice column. Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen (Moody) is my first book.

Website:: www.helpgetmarried.com

E-mail Address:: candice@helpgetmarried.com

Favorite Music:: James Taylor, Mindy Smith, Alison Krauss, Nickel Creek, Ella Fitzgerald, Gipsy Kings; opera, jazz, classical, bluegrass, and good movie soundtracks

Favorite Movies:: The Gathering Storm, Family Man, Pride and Prejudice, Glory, Chariots of Fire, Emma (BBC Version is great), Shadowlands, anything classic Christmas

Favorite Books:: The Beginning of Wisdom, Total Truth, Modern Times, Lord of the Rings, A Landscape with Dragons, A Christmas Carol, Men and Marriage, Amanda Bright @ Home, Pride and Prejudice

Favorite Authors:: C.S. Lewis, Paul Johnson, Peggy Noonan, Edith Schaeffer, Peter Kreeft, Robert Coles, Gary Thomas

Candice Watters's Groups

Men We're Praying For: (51 members)
Created by Candice Watters

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are: (26 members)
Created by Jennifer Mesko

Winning at Losing: (39 members)
Created by Candice Watters

Help Get Married: (72 members)
Created by Candice Watters

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Added a post Mar 3

Thanks for sharing this find, Amanda. It's handy! I didn't know about it either. But am glad to have the page bookmarked now. Reply »

Age does matter, right?

Added a post Feb 20

Lately, I'm hearing of a lot of good matches between older women and younger men. Sharon (who's story of praying with her 30 friends is in the "Pray Boldly" chapter) just married a younger man. I'm not sure how many years younger, but it's at least five. I've talked about age difference both on Boundless and in the book. What I've said before is: It's not so much a matter of years but of maturity and compatibility. If you're still in your early 20s, there's a prudential and practical age limit beneath which you should not consider going. As women age, the potential for good matches with men who are younger increases. Once you're past college, it's not so much a matter of years but of maturity and compatibility. A lot of life experience tends to happen between eighteen and twenty-three--the kinds of things that have the ability to grow you (and him) up, if you let them. If you do decide to date a younger man, one key thing to keep in mind is that he's still called to lead. The man should always be the initiator. Then it's up to you to decide how you will respond. Allowing the man to lead is paramount to the success of any romantic relationship--especially if you're older. Reply »

Ready and waiting

Added a post Sep 10 2007

It can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but the search is worth the effort. For anyone unfamiliar with Boundless, I wrote a three-part series about where the men are called Plenty of Men to Go Around. Included are some practical ideas, as well as lots of encouraging stats about single Christian men outnumbering single Christian women. From my experience, the key lies in active involvement in Christian community and having a good mentor. Anyone else have some creative ideas for finding eligible Christian men? Reply »

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Interested in scheduling an interview, media appearance, or speaking engagement? Please contact us at media@helpgetmarried.com.

If you have a question you'd like to see answered on the site, or want to contribute a blog post to the home page, please send me an email.

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Candice Watters's Blog

To Tell the Truth

Posted by Candice Watters on April 14th, 2008 at 9:04am
1 Comment (Add a Comment)

avid wrote,

Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD (Psalm 25:7).

Like David, we all have sins of youth that we're rightly eager to be forgiven of so we can put them behind us. But what about sins that produce lasting consequences? If God forgives and forgets, shouldn't we? Shouldn't we be able to just leave them in the past?

That's what two women wanted to know when they wrote to me at Boundless. The first is wondering if she should tell her fiancé, before or after the wedding, that she had an abortion. The second, a new believer, has HPV, a remnant of her former, wilder living. Is it something she needs to fess up with her new, Christian boyfriend?

I answer both questions in today's Boundless Answers: Women, "To Tell the Truth."

Books: Much More than a Good Read

Posted by Candice Watters on March 31st, 2008 at 6:52pm
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y second memory of Steve is whispering in the back of a mandatory "how to use the library" tour about the book he was reading. I went out later that day and bought myself a copy. An avid reader myself, I was thrilled to know he liked to read good books and wanted to have something in common to talk about.

In my case, being able to talk about what we were reading and share a love for learning and ideas was high up on my list of what would make a great husband. It seems I'm not alone. In Monday's New York Times, columnist Rachel Donadio talks about what our books say about us and how they provide clues to the opposite sex. In "It's Not You, It's Your Books," she writes:

Anyone who cares about books has at some point confronted the Pushkin problem: when a missed— or misguided—literary reference makes it chillingly clear that a romance is going nowhere fast. At least since Dante’s Paolo and Francesca fell in love over tales of Lancelot, literary taste has been a good shorthand for gauging compatibility.

And it's gotten easier to know what books, if any, people like to read. According to the story, "These days, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, listing your favorite books and authors is a crucial, if risky, part of self-branding. When it comes to online dating, even casual references can turn into deal breakers. Sussing out a date’s taste in books is 'actually a pretty good way — as a sort of first pass — of getting a sense of someone,' said Anna Fels, a Manhattan psychiatrist and the author of “Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Lives.”

The rest of the article goes on to caution that it's dangerous to put too much emphasis on what the guy you're interested in is reading, especially since "brainy women are probably more sensitive to literary deal breakers than are brainy men." That's easy enough to believe if you're the non-reader. But what about the book lovers? What about you—how important is a love of books and reading in the man you marry?

When to Settle

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 1:36pm
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hanks to everyone who took the time to read the "Marry Him!" article in The Altantic and then respond with some written thoughts about it. I've incorporated many of the sentiments you shared in my review of the Gottleib piece, "When to Settle."

Here's a sample:

When Steve and I started dating, one of my close friends said she was worried that we'd end up getting married. …"I just don't want to see you settle," she said.

…My friend was a believer in the notion that to marry a man without certain traits or ambitions would be settling. And in her mind, settling was bad. No longer just a guideline, not settling was itself a goal. Something worth striving for. As in: Finish that report for work, lose 20 pounds, get a boyfriend, don't settle.

And so we find ourselves in the midst of a massive shift in marriage trends: women waiting longer than ever to marry, all the while holding out for their soul mate—"the one." When a nice guy asks a woman out, if the sparks of attraction aren't hot from the start, she turns him down, reasoning, sure, I want to get married someday, but I'm not about to...settle.

…Have you ever known a man that you've thought about dating, but in the end, ruled him out because to do otherwise would be settling? If you're holding out for perfection, or have a long list of must-haves, it's possible you're overlooking some good men who are already in your life. Knowing what about a potential mate is worth appreciating and what's just eye candy has everything to do with when you should "settle."

You can read the full article now on Boundless.

Impatient or Persistent?

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 7:21am
11 Comments (Add a Comment)

love the tension in Scripture between two seeming opposites, that upon closer inspection, are distinct.

"You shall not lie" is in tension with the concealment by Abram, the Hebrew midwives, and Esther. "Honor your father and your mother" is in tension with Jesus's statement, " "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." And then there's the Scripture I read this morning. In it, the Israelites are wandering in the desert, and again, are frustrated by the harsh conditions. Numbers 21:4 says,

"But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses..."

What was God's response? He sent venomous snakes among them that bit the people. Many died.

Compare that with the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18,

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "

Both the Israelites and the widow wanted something desperately. The Israelites wanted a change of diet and deliverance from their desert wanderings. The widow wanted justice. Both were weary of difficult circumstances and wanted a change. Both spoke up about their desires. What's different? The way they asked. The Israelites complained and dishonored both God and their God-appointed leader, Moses. The widow, however, asked plainly, but persistently, that the judge do what was within his power: grant her justice. She did not insult him in the process. She was straightforward. But neither was she timid. She continued to ask until she got what she was after.

I've known women who resemble both the Israelites and the widow in their approach to praying for a husband. The first type is characterized more by her frustration over a long, undesired, often painful season of singleness. She wonders if God has abandoned her and even accuses God of not answering her prayers. The second is no less determined to see herself married, but approaches God reverently, asking him in faith to do what she knows is within His power.

The women who pray without ceasing, with faith, and with reverence are transformed by the process. They allow the difficulty of waiting to improve their character. And I believe they're more attractive to men seeking godly wives. Sadly, the women who complain and speak angrily against men, God, and the culture seem to place even more obstacles in the way of achieving what they so deeply desire.

May we all follow the example of the persistent widow, provided by Jesus Himself, in the way we pray for the desires of our hearts.

What it Means to "Marry Well"

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 6:34am
4 Comments (Add a Comment)

ne concern my editor had when I was writing Get Married was that readers would think I was advocating marriage at all costs; marriage for the sake of being married. And so we took pains to make it clear that the goal is "marrying well." And that has everything to do with marrying for "our good and God's glory." Yesterday, I was reading a commentary by Dr. Al Mohler fittingly titled, "The Glory of God in the Goodness of Marriage," and found this great old quote by Tertullian. In it, he expounds on the idea of marrying well, while at the same time, condensing it to its essence. Here's what he wrote:

How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice . . . Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit . . . They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God's church and partake God's banquet, side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other's company; they never bring sorrow to each other's hearts . . . Seeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present.

This is the goal of Christian marriage. And a useful guide to reference when you're dating a man and wondering if he could be "the one." Ask yourself if the two of you have the potential to enter marriage with the above as your blueprint.

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At 9:34am on May 7th, 2008, Alicia said: Hola lady :)

Where have you been these last few weeks? We miss reading your fun and informative articles! :)

I hope that you're having a great week and that God is blessing you,
Alicia

At 6:12pm on April 27th, 2008, Ivory said

At 8:40pm on April 17th, 2008, Heather said: Candice,
I've been reading your boundless articles for four years and I just finished your book. Thank you, in advance, for helping out so many women! Very encouraging stuff. I am going to share it with my girlfriends who are facing some of the same frustrations with waiting and hoping for a husband.
God Bless You and Your Family!!

At 3:01am on April 17th, 2008, Marijana said: Thank you Candice for this website and of course adding me as a friend.

Its a blessing to have this resource available, where ladies across the whole world can come together and pray for each others desire for marriage and a godly husband.

At 11:28pm on March 30th, 2008, Julie said: Thanks for your comment, Candice - I love my MacBook! :)

Since reading your book, several guy friends flipping through it on my coffee table have said "why aren't there books like this for guys!" Do you have any reading suggestions for them?

At 5:42pm on March 17th, 2008, Laura Freeland said: Hi Candice,

Thanks for the comment. I did have the conversation with 'John' and although I was a heartbeat away from taking everything back and ignoring it, I stood my ground. Not sure how it will go from here, but it would have been selfish on both our counts to continue being as close as we were without any intention of it becoming more.

Your book and the scriptures that you reference have been amazing encouragements to me and have really made me think about my part in the big picture of marriage. Thank you!

At 6:50pm on March 15th, 2008, Alison said: Candice,
Has your Husband considered writing a book for men encouraging them to find a wife?

At 9:09am on March 6th, 2008, Tina said: Good morning, Candice!

I praise God for you and your ministry!!! Lately, I have really been finding myself weary in waiting for my man of God. This past Monday I was led to Google regarding powerful prayers for marriage. That was when I was led to your site.

Thank you for having a passion for single women who are desiring to be in Godly marriages. I especially love the fact that although you are married now, you did not forget the other women who are dealing with the problem you faced.

May God continue to bless you in all of your endeavors!

At 11:51pm on February 27th, 2008, Erin said: HI Candice
Thanks for the welcome! Yes, I'm still in Australia - have lived here my whole life (except for 6 years when I was growing up in the pacific cos my family were missionaries)
Glad you enjoyed my blog, I agree - Bethany's photos are amazing! I love to see her new pictures.

At 1:33pm on February 27th, 2008, Aimee said: Hi Candice! I actually go to Appalachian State, but you're right Boone is a lovely town- it's become a second home for me. Thanks for the welcome, and everything you've done with this site and on Boundless. It's really been helpful these past few years being at a secular university.