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Posted by Sarah Randall on March 14th, 2008 at 11:56pm
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It's amazing how when we make a commitment to God He will often immediately set out to see if we really mean to walk the walk.

I have been somewhat casually talking to a guy via MySpace. I don't know Him that well, he used to go to my church, His parents still attend and are very active in my church while he attends another local church in the community. We've been e-mailing on and off for a couple months and he seems to meet the qualifications of a Godly husband. Recently he seemed to be actively pursuing me more; I was very excited about the situation.

In the middle of all this I read "Get Married" and God really spoke to me through it. I found myself down on my knees and praying for the first time ever to God with faith that it was OK to desire marriage. I told God I knew He's already seen the future me, the Wife and Mother I so long to be and that I trusted His plan and HIS timeline, that I believe He desires and has planned marriage for my future and that one day He will lovingly "present" me to my husband, just like He did with Adam and Eve.

Right after this, the "myspace guy" asked me to the movies! Of course I was ecstatic. The whole thing didn't really go the way I thought my first “date” would. He gave me his phone number and told *me* to call to make plans, he suggested we meet at the theater even though he lives *1.8* miles from my house, etc. Despite this, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I had a good time at the movie even though it was a tad awkward. The next day I wrote and and thanked him for asking me to go and that I had a good time. However he basically stopped talking to me and then I noticed he had joined a singles group on MySpace (a secular one at that, full of inappropriate material) and introduced himself as "looking for girls in the area".

So what was my initial response? I was hurt, angry, I found myself venting and crying to my Mom about what a "jerk" he was, and why did God have me go through this disappointment? What was it all for!?!? What did I do wrong? What was the point? Why was MY life so hard!!?! In the moment when you allow yourself to focus on the situation as being terrible instead of a part of the bigger plan that God has for you, you set yourself up to meltdown. It always feels good to boohoo yourself into a corner, but immediately after (just as with any sin) comes the regret. You KNOW better, but you don't stop and throw yourself to God, to pray and give the situation to Him. Instead you take it into your own hands and the only way to deal with it in your sin is to cry and feel hopeless.

About 5 hours later after I was quiet enough to allow it, God spoke to me heart, He said: what happened to your commitment? What about that prayer? I thought you were praying for the "myspace guy" that even if things didn't work out that I would work in his life and give him a Godly wife, that I would make him wise and to seek me? I thought you trusted me and my timeline, my plan? My plan for you is still happening. Have faith, be still. Even though you forgot I never will.

"Oh ye of little faith" is all I could hear ringing in my ears! I meant every word of my prayer at the time but when things didn't work out, when the plan I had been forming in my head started to crumble, I found myself taking my eyes off God, reverting back to my fears and discontentment.

Thankfully God is waiting, holding my in His hand. I found myself humbled, ashamed, asking for His forgiveness. I asked God to help the "myspace guy", and to help me forgot whatever I think about how he treated me because having a hard heart against is not only sinful, but so unuseful to moving on. Maybe he's afraid, maybe he's intimidated, he's definitely a sinner just like me, imperfect and flawed. I don't know all his issues, but at least for right now, he's not the one for me and God has made me OK with that. Every day is a struggle to push away the flesh and depend on the Spirit. I fall, but God is always there to pick me up off the floor and to remind me to run the race with patience and faith :) His grace always abounds!