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Posted by M on May 12th, 2008 at 5:23pm
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Well, my story is that everyone around me is getting married. To be a wife and a mother has been my deepest desire for many years. Although, I must say I was never intentional about it. I fell in love with a guy who I was with on and off for almost seven years. We dated since we were 18. From the moment I saw him I felt something in me telling me he was my husband. So I held on to the feeling for quite some time. There was no doubt in mind about it. It just came naturally, it wasn't something I needed to brainwash my self with. Eventually, our relationship began to be spiral downward. I became insecure and always fearful that I was not good enough. In fact, I never felt good enough for anyone. I allowed many circumstances destroy me. And I bought the lies that I was not worth loving. So with this, a change of behavior came along - I lost my self. Without Christ in my life, I thought I should be in control of everything. I experienced many heart aches.

Well, to make the long story short. The guy who I swore was my husband has moved on. It was a great challenge. There was a point were I would struggle letting go and I still carried much anger, regret, and all those yucky feelings.

But I had to come to a point where I really needed to TRUST God and quit trying to be in control. Sure, I don't have the happy ending. But my story doesn't end here. God is still writing it.

Two years ago, I decided to take a journey to heal my self from past wounds. I started doing this the last year I was with this guy. I was changing, I was growing and I was finding my self. Soon after that, our relationship ended, eventhough I loved him with all of my heart. A few months after that I accepted Christ in my life. Now HE is the love of my life, and should have always been.

I prayed for my ex for a while and He also accepted Christ. It was truly an answered prayer. He's happily involved with someone else now ( which broke my heart for quite some time). But we did have a chance to talk and we got to see how much we had grown. *Sigh* He even felt more perfect than ever. But as challenging as it was. I needed to let him go. God knows best, and I knew that is what I needed to do.

Sure, I still yearn to get married. The loneliness sadens me at times. Plus the fact that my ex and I maintain the same friends and I am still single and he's no ... is a bit of a doozie. But I have to give it all up to God. HE IS IN CONTROL. I have completely surrendered. And gosh, it wasn't easy to do! ... But it feels good.

God is sovereign. No prayer goes unanswered. Now, more than ever I feel ready to fulfil my desire to the wife and the mother I always dreamed to be, with the man God chooses for me.

Let our prayers not cease. Keep me in your prayers as I will certainly keep you in my prayers.

God Bless!!