Lacresha Hayes's Page

Okay, I'm going to boldly go where I... well, I have gone there before, but not on my blog. Whew............................................... had to breath first.

When my husband and I first got married, we were real newlyweds. I won't say more than that. But, when bills started piling up, and responsibilites multiplied, and stress stepped in, our sex life was the first thing to suffer. (WOW! Am I really talking about this?)

Anyway, it has taken a lot of purposeful building for me to get back to the drive of my youth. I did an anonymous study and found that most women my age suffer from a slower sex drive, not because we don't like sex, but because we're tired all the time. We are mentally bogged down, or emotionally drained. We have children, jobs, a social life and self health to think about. I had to go into prayer about this.

Ladies, your sexual health is just as important as your financial health in a marriage. It takes the spiritual, the emotional, the natural and the sexual working together to keep your marriage healthy and thriving. No doubt, there are going to be times when the last thing you want is sex, but don't deprive yourself of the benefits of sex, bonding with your husband and stress reduction to name a couple of them.

Now, when my husband and I are crankier than normal, we head to the bedroom for some therapy. LOL! Believe it or not, it works every single time. I think clearer. Decision-making becomes easier. There is a such thing as sexual therapy, made specifically for married people. Why not take advantage of it?

Soon, we're going to talk about some of the issues of sex in marriage, like help for wives who really don't like to have sex (that was requested), and how to repair a broken sexual relationship. I can't do it all at once because this isn't the easiest topic to tackle for me, a naturally shy person. LOL! I should have never asked for feedback and requests. LOL!

I have a lot of godchildren. I've been blessed in that area. Most of them are boys, and all of them way bigger than I am. They don't play games with me, but respect me like I'm their birth mother. I have one who has disrespected and fought his own mother. She asked me why he has never disrespected me, not even once. In fact, several parents have asked me that.

I consider myself an honest parent. I live openly in front of my children (birth and godchildren). They see my mistakes and how I handle it. They all know "mama". They pretty much know what I will and will not do. They know when they've gone too far. I don't disrespect them and they know not to disrespect me. I will break them down and they all know it. Their parents know it. I firmly believe in discipline and corporal punishment. The Bible tells us to spare the rod is to spoil the child, and I see proof of that during EVERY grocery store trip. It's embarrassing. (I have to admit I'm getting softer as I get older.)

Back to my point, though: children are not dummies. They see what you do when you think they don't see you. If you are single and having men/women running in and out of your house all the time, but teach them otherwise, they lose respect for you. If you smoke and tell them not to, they lose respect for you. You cannot expect your child to do only as you say and not what you do. That is unrealistic. Of course, we all make mistakes, but teach them how to bounce back from mistakes. However, it is a totally different story to practice sin or live without values in front of them. The day will come when you regret it. I saw it early and thank God that He gave me sense to apologize to my child for the lifestyle I lived in front of him when he was younger. I didn't hesitate to show him what I suffered behind my mistakes either.

Don't be a hypocritical parent. If you don't want your child going to certain places, you shouldn't go either. If you don't want your daughter to be a stripper, don't be one, and don't go see them. If you don't want your son to sell/use drugs, then you shouldn't sell drugs or use them. If your desire is for your children to have great marriages one day, then show them with your actions and not just your words. If you want your children to have a relationship with God, practice your relationship in front of them. Don't dare send them to church and you stay home doing nothing. Go with them. Children forgive and forget your mistakes, but they never forget your hypocrisy!

If you train up your child in the way he/she SHOULD go, when he/she gets older, he/she will remember it (Paraphrasing that good book, the Bible)

I got this from Dani and Marvin. They had some great answers. Read mine and then try it yourself.

1. Your real name: Lacresha

2. Your Gangsta name(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Lacizzle

3. Your Detective name:(fave color and fave animal) Black Cat or Black Dog

4. Your Soap Opera name:(your middle name and street you live on) Nicole Lucy, not bad, just not great

5. Your Star Wars name:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Hayla

6. Your Superhero name:(your 2ND favorite color, and favorite drink) Redtea

7. Your Iraqi name:(2ND letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your middle name, 2ND letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name) Aynawle

8. Your Witness Protection name:(parents middle names) Lee Lawrence, but don't tell anyone

9. Your Goth name:(black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Dakota

Now, I tag these three people to do it, if they hadn't already:

~ Ron Berry
~ Erica Newton
~ Joyce Anthony

Yesterday, my husband and I were both tired and tuckered out. As we discussed our marketing plans for our couple's book, the conversation shifted to when we were writing it and how much we learned about one another. The real kicker was what I learned about being a Biblical wife.

I've never been that submissive type woman, but during a time of separation between us before we got married, God showed me so much. It was the kind of stuff no other person could have told or taught me. I wouldn't have received it anywhere else.

I hugged and kissed my husband because I'm happy he stuck around long enough for me to get it figured out, this marriage thing. He is the man, the head of the relationship. It does not matter who makes the most money, or who is smarter, or who is more driven. It only matters what the Bible has said. It took so long for me to come to that realization. Our opinions are inconsequential to the will of God and His infinite knowledge.

I teach women today to be very careful about getting married. I see things this way: no one makes us get married. It isn't required by law or Christ. So, if you do it, be prepared to do what is necessary to make it work. Being submissive is the best thing I've learned. Does that mean my husband runs over me and bosses me around? No! It means I understand the flow of authority. He is under Christ and I under he and Christ. I believe so many more marriages would work better if women and men kept to their own lanes and roles. To me, there's nothing worse than a man who has lost his authority, or a woman who is always trying to be the husband. It's perverse and destroys the core of any marriage.

This is just part one. I'll revisit this subject quite frequently.

I've had the opportunity to work with some really wonderful women authors. I'm not simply speaking about their writing. I'm also talking about their personalities. I know I should never pick favorites, and I'm not saying these are my favorite women, but they are the ones that are a little more than clients, a little more than authors. They are my colleagues, people I'm proud to know and have worked with.

Donna Shepherd, author of children's literature and devotions, motivational speaker, and a real light to women. Donna and I don't speak often, but she's a wonderful woman, one that can easily be a role model.

I've decided to add a little something more to my blog. We're going to have a Beautiful Women's corner. This will be where I get to pay tribute to the women who are beautiful inside and out, those who have sacrificed, loved, given, taught, inspired, etc.

But, since this blog is about us all, I will be taking nominations. If you have a woman, other than yourself, that is a good candidate, please send me an email with her information and her blog/site address to lacresha.hayes@gmail.com

Helen Ginger, coming on down. You were chosen and I'm happy to be sending this book to you.

On most blogs, people post and post and some comment while others do not. Well, I'm giving you a chance to be heard. And, there's a reward... one wonderful little commenter will get a free copy of my book, Becoming: My Personal Memoirs.

Ready, Set, GOOOOO!

1. How often do you surf the web? Is it aimless or are you looking for something?

2. Think about the blogs/websites you visit daily. What do they all have in common?

3. In general, do you find yourself drawn to informative, educational or inspirational blogs?


5. What one thing would you like to see me do with this blog?

While preparing for a conference I have to speak at soon, I decided to look at the most recent statistics and do a bit more background research on the long term effects of sexual abuse.

I found some very interesting information on the web at places like Wikipedia and Live Strong.

Check out the links above and also RAINN, which is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization.