Wedding Fantasy, and Reality

I used to dream about what my wedding would be like; down to the yellow roses in my bouquet and dark grey morning coat of the groom's tuxedo. I was 12.

It was fun to think about what might be. Anything and everything is possible when it's in your imagination, with only a stack of bride magazine to fuel the dream. Nothing as pesky as a budget to get in the way of that designer silk shantung gown.

It's a lot harder to make your dreams come true when faced with the limits of how much money you actually have to spend. Especially when family and friends have expectations of a huge guest list. And you don't. That's the setup for today's Boundless Answers column, Wedding Woes. The questioner writes,

We are set to get married in April 2010 but the money and family demands are driving us crazy. Initially we had agreed on a small wedding of up to 50 people, but as time went by and our families have been involved, this has grown to 200 guests and the budget is not what we can meet. We still want to honor our parents and invite all our relatives but it's becoming too expensive.

Thankfully this is both problem and opportunity with lots of room to resolve the conflict and improve the relationships. You can read my full reply here.

As for my own wedding, some of what I dreamt came true. But despite all the details that didn't match my girlhood dream -- for budget reasons, as well as changes in styles -- the real thing was much better than I had imagined. And that had everything to do with the man I married.

And you know that grey coat? It's the very one Steve picked out for his tuxedo!

Comments

[Rhonda]

Okay, well you need to post a picture of your wedding to your Facebook page so we can see how great you guys looked!

[Candice Watters]

Thanks, Rhonda. And I appreciate the suggestion. I just posted it on the Women Praying Boldly group on FB. http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=120268822758

[Alicia]

Wow, this is really helpful, especially the part that explains the parent-grown child difference between honor and expectations. Very insightful! : )

For the bride, I would say ask, ask, ask the person in charge at the venue that she's having her reception at for discounts. I personally know people who have simply asked for a particular price and even though it seemed to be "set in stone," God answered prayers and made a way for a different price to be honored.

I've learned to do this in stores too, actually, lol :D It might help when trying to look for wedding items. If there is a box that's kind of damaged but it hasn't affected the inside contents, ask the store to discount it anyways because of the box and most will offer a 10 percent discount, just because of messed up packaging. ; ) Every little bit counts, right?

It doesn't hurt to ask--the worst someone can do is say no and then you move on. But at least ask. ; )

(I usually ask and if they tell me no, I ask to speak to a manager and if they still say no, then I usually let things drop. But oftentimes, a manager will override what an associate says and will offer you a discounted rate. It takes a little daring boldness to do that, but often ends up with a discount on your end. Just be nice about it.) : )

I can say that I'm soooo thankful that I didn't get married when I was younger. I've changed so much since then! Some of the ideas that I used to have for what I considered my "dream wedding" have changed drastically and dramatically and I'd seriously be embarrassed if I had followed through on what I used to think I wanted. : P

I think that it'd be wise to start saving now though--couldn't hurt. I'm not engaged or even dating right now, but I'm sure that I'll be thankful for saving now, later when I am engaged, because it will be that much less to stress about when it finally does happen. : )

[Alison]

Candice, Is this steve and you?

[Candice Watters]

Alison, yep!

[Alison]

So, cute! Post more pics when you get chance ;)

[Candice Watters]

Do you mean pics from our wedding? Would that they were all digital! Back then, it was all film! :)

[Alison]

Yeah, I meant more wedding pics. I guess they didn't have digital photos when you got married. Duh! Technology changes, so quickly. You forget that there was time when pictures were taken with film.