Is She Still a Virgin?

A few weeks ago a reader emailed to ask if she could still call herself a virgin. She wrote,

I have not had actual sexual intercourse. However, I have committed sexual sin in my past (I have turned away from it now). The worst of that sexual sin being what I suppose they call "dry sex" (I assume you know what that entails).

The crux of her question: "would I be lying if I still call myself a virgin?"

Though I do answer that in today's Q&A Stop and Start—along with a look at how the enemy uses guilt to keep us sinning, and a reminder of the totality of God's forgiveness—I also toss back my own question in the process. What I want to know is,

Why just stop having dry-sex? Why not also get married and have real, God-ordained, wonderful, married sex? You've got a man you like enough to fool around with. Do you like him enough to marry him?

Read the whole conversation and send your own hard questions for future columns here.

Comments

[Nicole]

You have no idea how long I've waited to read something very specific about this "technically a virgin" issue... having been there myself. THANK YOU!

Yes, the devil can be VERY deceiving in keeping you stuck in the guilt-trip. I know I've been there for a way too long time.

Yes, it is also very easy to think you're damaged and stained and might as well just find the guts to go all the way. Praise God for not letting that happen!

Yes, I agree with you in why stop at stopping the sexual sin... but also look forward to marriage (even if currently single).

How refreshing to read I can still call myself a virgin, though personally I am committed to talking to my husband-to-be about this (whenever he comes along). I couldn't do it any other way.

Thanks again.