Women Praying Boldly

Welcome

Get Married, shows how living intentionally is the key to marrying well. It's a fresh and hopeful perspective of the pre-marriage years that includes praying for your friends, parents, churches, and the men in -- or soon to be in -- your life. The Women Praying Boldly community is here to help you make it personal.

I'm passionate about seeing you thrive. I believe the Women Praying Boldly community can be part of that. Please join us. Click here to learn more about it, ask a question, or if you're ready, become a member.

What Readers are Saying

As an older woman, I'm so excited about Get Married. I've already ordered 15 copies and have three left as I keep thinking of young women and mothers of young women who would benefit so greatly from the biblical foundation as well as practical ways of thinking and living toward getting married. The book of Ruth provides such significant ideas in the "how" of a woman's response when a Boaz appears interested in her. Get Married makes me aware of why we have accepted the culture's philosophy on marriage. I pray Candice's book will pave the way for many biblical marriages and the multiplication of the Gospel.

—Phyllis

I do commend this book both to single women who hope to be married someday, as well as those married women who have single friends, or work in a singles ministry. I think Watters does a great job instructing the reader to be content, patient, godly and wise, while at the same time bringing this message of hope to those who have been told for so long that their hope is foolish.

—Gretchen Reads

"I JUST finished the book literally two minutes ago and set it down with a smile on my face (and many pages of notes in my journal). I am so inspired to share this with my single girl friends. I also want to have a chat with my pastor about better equipping young adult men and women for their respective roles in marriage. And possibly working with the elderly Sunday School groups to "adopt" a young adult into mentorship. It's amazing how revolutionary these concepts are in our present culture! Thank you so much for putting these ideas together in a book for us!"

— Marlys

"You addressed so many things in your book that are exactly what the world and the church are telling single women these days, and it was so nice to have someone understand, and then counter it with great advice.... I was very glad that your book was more than just a culmination of your Pulling a Ruth articles. It all tied together so well. Thanks again for this book, and boundless.org too."

— Apryl

Read more reviews

Forum

Love Quote! :)! (Cute)

Started by Alicia 1 day ago

My friend posted this on another website and I LOVE this quote! :) Enjoy! --Alicia QUOTE: "True Love Doesnt Have A Happy Ending BECAUSE True LOVE Never Ends" Reply »

Broken Engagements
6 Replies

Started by Promisegirl. Last reply by chakia 1 day ago.

About a month ago my fiancee broke our engagement. He didn't give me any real reason and he wouldn't talk to me, he just shut me out. I know that he was immature and alot of other things and while I know that we were to marry I know that God has a better plan A for my life. My problem is its hard when other people are getting engaged and other guys are promising forever. My fiancee and I were engaged for four months and when he proposed it was out of this world amazing and now its hard. Its hard to remember that some guy can still promise me forever and actually keep it. Its hard to know that other guys do keep their promises...forever. So does anyone have any experience with broken engagements and of getting past broken promises and the pain that it all brings?? Reply »

Proactive or "Man Hungry?"
3 Replies

Started by LadyElaine. Last reply by LadyElaine May 7.

Is there a difference between between preparing yourself for marriage and being obsessively "man hungry", i.e. pursuing marriage above every other activity and relationship in your life? Reply »

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Blog Posts

To Tell the Truth

Posted by Candice Watters on April 14th, 2008 at 9:04am
1 Comment (Add a Comment)

avid wrote,

Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD (Psalm 25:7).

Like David, we all have sins of youth that we're rightly eager to be forgiven of so we can put them behind us. But what about sins that produce lasting consequences? If God forgives and forgets, shouldn't we? Shouldn't we be able to just leave them in the past?

That's what two women wanted to know when they wrote to me at Boundless. The first is wondering if she should tell her fiancé, before or after the wedding, that she had an abortion. The second, a new believer, has HPV, a remnant of her former, wilder living. Is it something she needs to fess up with her new, Christian boyfriend?

I answer both questions in today's Boundless Answers: Women, "To Tell the Truth."

Books: Much More than a Good Read

Posted by Candice Watters on March 31st, 2008 at 6:52pm
15 Comments (Add a Comment)

y second memory of Steve is whispering in the back of a mandatory "how to use the library" tour about the book he was reading. I went out later that day and bought myself a copy. An avid reader myself, I was thrilled to know he liked to read good books and wanted to have something in common to talk about.

In my case, being able to talk about what we were reading and share a love for learning and ideas was high up on my list of what would make a great husband. It seems I'm not alone. In Monday's New York Times, columnist Rachel Donadio talks about what our books say about us and how they provide clues to the opposite sex. In "It's Not You, It's Your Books," she writes:

Anyone who cares about books has at some point confronted the Pushkin problem: when a missed— or misguided—literary reference makes it chillingly clear that a romance is going nowhere fast. At least since Dante’s Paolo and Francesca fell in love over tales of Lancelot, literary taste has been a good shorthand for gauging compatibility.

And it's gotten easier to know what books, if any, people like to read. According to the story, "These days, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, listing your favorite books and authors is a crucial, if risky, part of self-branding. When it comes to online dating, even casual references can turn into deal breakers. Sussing out a date’s taste in books is 'actually a pretty good way — as a sort of first pass — of getting a sense of someone,' said Anna Fels, a Manhattan psychiatrist and the author of “Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Lives.”

The rest of the article goes on to caution that it's dangerous to put too much emphasis on what the guy you're interested in is reading, especially since "brainy women are probably more sensitive to literary deal breakers than are brainy men." That's easy enough to believe if you're the non-reader. But what about the book lovers? What about you—how important is a love of books and reading in the man you marry?

When to Settle

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 1:36pm
11 Comments (Add a Comment)

hanks to everyone who took the time to read the "Marry Him!" article in The Altantic and then respond with some written thoughts about it. I've incorporated many of the sentiments you shared in my review of the Gottleib piece, "When to Settle."

Here's a sample:

When Steve and I started dating, one of my close friends said she was worried that we'd end up getting married. …"I just don't want to see you settle," she said.

…My friend was a believer in the notion that to marry a man without certain traits or ambitions would be settling. And in her mind, settling was bad. No longer just a guideline, not settling was itself a goal. Something worth striving for. As in: Finish that report for work, lose 20 pounds, get a boyfriend, don't settle.

And so we find ourselves in the midst of a massive shift in marriage trends: women waiting longer than ever to marry, all the while holding out for their soul mate—"the one." When a nice guy asks a woman out, if the sparks of attraction aren't hot from the start, she turns him down, reasoning, sure, I want to get married someday, but I'm not about to...settle.

…Have you ever known a man that you've thought about dating, but in the end, ruled him out because to do otherwise would be settling? If you're holding out for perfection, or have a long list of must-haves, it's possible you're overlooking some good men who are already in your life. Knowing what about a potential mate is worth appreciating and what's just eye candy has everything to do with when you should "settle."

You can read the full article now on Boundless.

Impatient or Persistent?

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 7:21am
11 Comments (Add a Comment)

love the tension in Scripture between two seeming opposites, that upon closer inspection, are distinct.

"You shall not lie" is in tension with the concealment by Abram, the Hebrew midwives, and Esther. "Honor your father and your mother" is in tension with Jesus's statement, " "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple." And then there's the Scripture I read this morning. In it, the Israelites are wandering in the desert, and again, are frustrated by the harsh conditions. Numbers 21:4 says,

"But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses..."

What was God's response? He sent venomous snakes among them that bit the people. Many died.

Compare that with the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18,

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'

"For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "

Both the Israelites and the widow wanted something desperately. The Israelites wanted a change of diet and deliverance from their desert wanderings. The widow wanted justice. Both were weary of difficult circumstances and wanted a change. Both spoke up about their desires. What's different? The way they asked. The Israelites complained and dishonored both God and their God-appointed leader, Moses. The widow, however, asked plainly, but persistently, that the judge do what was within his power: grant her justice. She did not insult him in the process. She was straightforward. But neither was she timid. She continued to ask until she got what she was after.

I've known women who resemble both the Israelites and the widow in their approach to praying for a husband. The first type is characterized more by her frustration over a long, undesired, often painful season of singleness. She wonders if God has abandoned her and even accuses God of not answering her prayers. The second is no less determined to see herself married, but approaches God reverently, asking him in faith to do what she knows is within His power.

The women who pray without ceasing, with faith, and with reverence are transformed by the process. They allow the difficulty of waiting to improve their character. And I believe they're more attractive to men seeking godly wives. Sadly, the women who complain and speak angrily against men, God, and the culture seem to place even more obstacles in the way of achieving what they so deeply desire.

May we all follow the example of the persistent widow, provided by Jesus Himself, in the way we pray for the desires of our hearts.

What it Means to "Marry Well"

Posted by Candice Watters on March 14th, 2008 at 6:34am
4 Comments (Add a Comment)

ne concern my editor had when I was writing Get Married was that readers would think I was advocating marriage at all costs; marriage for the sake of being married. And so we took pains to make it clear that the goal is "marrying well." And that has everything to do with marrying for "our good and God's glory." Yesterday, I was reading a commentary by Dr. Al Mohler fittingly titled, "The Glory of God in the Goodness of Marriage," and found this great old quote by Tertullian. In it, he expounds on the idea of marrying well, while at the same time, condensing it to its essence. Here's what he wrote:

How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice . . . Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit . . . They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God's church and partake God's banquet, side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other's company; they never bring sorrow to each other's hearts . . . Seeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present.

This is the goal of Christian marriage. And a useful guide to reference when you're dating a man and wondering if he could be "the one." Ask yourself if the two of you have the potential to enter marriage with the above as your blueprint.

A Weighty Issue

Posted by Candice Watters on March 6th, 2008 at 6:39am
8 Comments (Add a Comment)

o you have to be skinny to get a husband? That's the question I answer this week in my Boundless Q&A column for women. The query came from a WPB member. She went on to write, "My weight is the one thing that keeps me feeling "less than" when it comes to guys. I always feel like I have to take a back seat to the skinny little gals running around because their chances of marital success are better. What do you think?"

I wrestled with this same anxiety a lot when I was single. And I wasn't skinny when I met Steve. As I wrote in my answer, "I've had a long and arduous relationship with food. What's supposed to be fuel — and thanks to our creative God, of a kind that's enjoyable—has been for me, more. Too much more. If not always love, at least dear friendship."

You can read my full response here.

When He's Just a Plumber, by Jennifer E. Jones

Posted by Candice Watters on February 23rd, 2008 at 10:25pm
16 Comments (Add a Comment)

was talking with a friend recently who was recounting her weekend. She's a beautiful single 30-something who has the same trouble meeting available men as many of us do. So it was wonderful to hear that a guy approached her while she was out. He was polite and struck up a pleasant conversation. It seemed promising. "Yeah, he was a nice guy," she said. But then this: "it kind of took a nose dive when he said he was just a plumber."

Just a plumber. Is it just me or are some single women a bit too particular?

I mean no offense. We are all entitled to our preferences. However, as I talk to single women of various ages and situations, I'm finding a laundry list of requirements for their would-be husbands. And some of these wish-list items are very excluding. Is it possible that some women are prolonging their single state simply by overlooking less-than-glamorous candidates? Maybe he doesn't have a corner office and prefers to paint houses for a living. Would you pass him by?

In Candice's new book, she writes about focusing on a man's potential rather than his current situation. It is by no means an excuse to date under the guise that you'll "change him." Rather, it's looking to the core qualities of a man that will make him a good husband and father. Is he loyal? Is he trustworthy? Is he honest? These are indicators that he has high character. For example, the faithfulness he shows to a minimum wage job now may be a telltale sign that he'll work just as hard at something higher up the corporate ladder.

One of my favorite lines from Jerry Maguire is from the heroine who has fallen in love with the down-on-his-luck, recently fired sports agent. She exclaims to her sister, "I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is!" It's funny and it's true. A guy with loads of potential and ambition could make a good mate for you. You just have to open your eyes.

Can you think of any guys you have overlooked because they aren't exactly Prince Charming riding in on a white horse? Don't let a good one slip past your radar. As Candice has encouraged, pray for the men you know to grow in the Lord and develop the courage and strength to be good husbands. In the process, you just may discover a diamond in the rough.

(Want to be a guest blogger? Send your submissions here.)

Incubating Marriage?

Posted by Candice Watters on February 19th, 2008 at 4:53pm
6 Comments (Add a Comment)

was talking with Dr. Morken this morning (for those of you who haven’t read the book yet, he’s the professor who started the Get Married ball rolling in my life) and he said what we’re doing here on this site and with the book—and hopefully what you’re doing in your own communities—is creating an incubator from which marriages can come. I hadn’t thought before about an incubator as a metaphor for helping marriages happen. But I think it’s valuable shorthand for the sort of nurturing, life sustaining environment from which godly, fruitful, fulfilling marriages may emerge.

I’d love to hear your reactions. What do you think of his metaphor? And what things are you doing in your attempts to “live like you’re planning to marry” that would qualify as “incubating” marriages for you and your friends?

Are You Kidding Me?

Posted by Candice Watters on February 14th, 2008 at 2:20pm
2 Comments (Add a Comment)

hat's the response I get from some women—both single and married—when they hear about Get Married. It came up again today in an interview.

It's not surprising. I had the same response when I first heard Dr. Morken say, "Get married, make babies, and do government!" I was offended. I wanted to be married, more than anything, but it wasn't happening like I thought it would. What right did he have to say it was something I should do? It's not like you can just go out and get a husband at Target.

His grenade (that's what his words felt like) challenged my whole way of thinking. What if marriage was more than something that happens to the lucky or something you can only wait for endlessly? I wrote, "Dr. Morken was hinting at what he believed about God's design, God's will. And that design is marriage. If it's still God's will for most people to marry, I reasoned, then maybe He would help me get there."

So what moved me from offended to hopeful? The possibility that he was right. I describe it this way,

If what Dr. Morken was saying was true, if he was the messenger, a divine mouthpiece, then I had every reason to hope for, and even work for, marriage. And once that idea took hold, I felt free to hope for the first time in over 10 years. Not since I was a giddy teenager poring over bridal magazines had I been this excited about marriage. My marriage. For the first time in my adult life, I believed it could—and should—happen.

It's a hope I want to pass on, especially to those whose first reaction is disbelief.

What about Valentine's Day?

Posted by Candice Watters on February 13th, 2008 at 7:32am
5 Comments (Add a Comment)

oday I heard from a WPB member asking for prayers for Valentine's Day. She wrote, "I have ups and downs in my single days and it seems that when Valentine's Day gets closer, it's a little more difficult to stay focused on who I believe that God will bless my life with one day."

Valentine’s Day was the hardest day of the year for me when I was single. I even went so far, one year, to call it "Black Death Day" (shows you where my heart was). I talked about that on last week’s podcast. And Lisa, who's single and still hoping for marriage, talked about why she loves Valentine's Day. Her source of joy is what helped me snap out of my own V-day funk before I met Steve.

Also, I tell the story of how I stopped dreading and loathing V-Day on Boundless. Here’s a taste:

"The Secret to a Great Valentine’s Day"

What’s the fun in Valentines Day if you don’t have a sweetheart?

I asked myself that question every year I was in high school and college — because every year, I was without a boyfriend.

In high school, my mom did what she could to cheer me up, starting the day off with red and pink sprinkled donuts. In college, I’d walk past the front desk of my dorm and see the row upon row of flower arrangements, helium balloons and stuffed white bears with red ribbons tied around their necks. I knew one of those beauties was for me, but it didn’t make my heart skip a beat, because every year, the valentine sender was not my boyfriend, but my dad.

Oh sure, I was lucky to have such a great dad. He knew I was lonely on Valentines Day and always did what he could to encourage me. There were a lot of girls and guys in my dorm who didn’t get anything. But it wasn’t the same as having a sweetheart.

One year he sent a box of chocolates. But it only made things worse. That’s because I took it to my room and after giving a piece or two away, I tried to console myself with it — all of it.

You can read the rest here.

This year will be unlike any other: I'll be spending Valentine's Day without Steve and he'll be spending it grieving. He flew out early this morning to attend his Mom's funeral. As I pray for all of you as we go into Valentine's Day, please pray for us. May the Lord of all comfort give you with His peace and perspective!