Women Praying Boldly

What's Wrong with Me Syndrome

"What's wrong with me?" That's the question I often asked myself when passed over by a handsome young man who, though friends with me, chose to date one of my female friends instead.

From the looks of my inbox, I'm not the only Christian woman to experience that painful rejection.

Today on Boundless I reply to a woman who wrote,

I've never had a boyfriend. To love a man with the love God has given me for others is one thing I desire above all else. But I've yet remained "invisible." Is something wrong with me? Every person I know tells me "Oh, you're the sweetest person I know," "You're so loving," and so forth. From others' compliments I don't think I'm hard to get along with, and I think I'm average looking.

I try to get myself involved with different social circles and activities, but I'm invisible. And the guy friends that I've thought, Maybe there is something here, end up dating other girls. I'm happy for them, but it makes me wonder what's wrong with me? What is your suggestion for shaking this feeling of "something-must-be-wrong-with-me" syndrome that I seem to be struggling with?

My answer is here.

Radical Dating

February and March has been full of writing and speaking, including a breakout session at the Give Me an Answer: Radical conference hosted by Southern Seminary.

While there, Steve and I spoke about what makes Christian marriage radical and why you have to date differently from the world if you want to end up in a radically different sort of marriage.

The audio is now available here.

Talking to Young Women about Marriage

Since our move to Louisville, Steve and I have done more speaking, including a recent break out session at the Important Conference at Southern Seminary. In our session, I spent time with high school women talking about how their path to marriage has the potential to draw them closer to God, or push them further from Him, while Steve talked to the men. We also participated in a live Q&A panel with Dr. Albert Mohler and Dr. Russell Moore.

You can listen to the panel here.

In addition to our time with high school students, we also traveled to Grove City College where we delivered chapel messages. Again I spoke to the women, Steve to the men (We really like this format). The students who invited us asked me to speak about Career and Family Discernment. It was an honor to answer the balance question--how do you balance career and family?--the very question I used to ask visiting speakers when I was in grad school.

If you have questions you'd like to see answered in the Boundless Answers: Women column, please email me. Last week I answered a young woman who struggles anytime her boyfriend tries to do anything for her. She's rather be doing things for him. She says it's a problem with submission. I'm not so sure. You can read the whole question, and my answer, in "I Don't Want to Be a Bother."

Finally, if you're in need of some non-relationship reading (variety is the spice of life!), I highly recommend Kevin DeYoung's new book, Don't Call it a Comeback. You can read about it here.

He'd Be a Great Husband and Father, But ...

But he's not a believer. But he's from a Muslim home, but he's not practicing. But we were sexually intimate and I can't seem to stay broken up. But I think I made a terrible decision leaving him. But he'd be a great husband and father.

There are a lot of reasons to stay in a relationship and this week's Q&A for Boundless is with a woman who is worried that she made a mistake breaking things off with her boyfriend.

She wrote,

I'm a recent college grad who fell in love with a guy who is Muslim but not really practicing. I told him I was a practicing Christian. He is a beautiful guy inside and out. We dated for about 9 1/2 months, during which I met his entire family, all his friends and people close to him. He has always treated me with respect and been very honest.

I, however, felt shameful in coming into the presence of God knowing that I was giving myself in every way to a guy who did not know Christ. I got the strength one night and decided to break up with him. I've been struggling ever since.

I feel as though I made a mistake in letting him go.

I've already heard from several women who used to be in relationships like hers but found the courage to end things. They wrote,

Breaking up with my agnostic ex-boyfriend was by far the hardest thing I've ever done... and it was also one of the best things I've ever done. That girl needs to hang in there, because God is good, He is faithful and He rewards those who follow Him!

and

Dating a nonbeliever really shifted my focus from God to me me me. Finally breaking up with him was awful--it hurt because I was in the relationship to please myself. But God truly is faithful and now I have a wonderful Christian husband who encourages my walk with Jesus and whose focus is on Christ. He was worth the heartbreak!

I also heard from a mom who said,

Thanks for such an open, honest interpretation of God's ideal of marriage. It is not popular to stand on scripture in any issue, but especially when it comes to marriage today. I thank the Lord for this article and trust that young woman will do the right thing by breaking away completely.

What would you do?

You can read my response here.

A Military Path to Marriage

This week, Boundless editor Ted Slater had a creative idea. Rather than the typical Q&A with John Thomas (for the guys), he thought it would be creative to have John and I both weigh in on the same question. I had an immediate and strong reaction to the question when I first read it, and agreed that it would interesting to see how we might approach it differently.

Here's what our reader asked,

I've been in a serious relationship for about a year and a half, I'm really wanting to get married, but I haven't completed much college and I don't know exactly what I want to do for a living.

Right now I think that I want to enlist in the military. That would financially enable me to get married, and then when I came out I could go to college, and it would be all paid for. Not only that, I could serve my country!

My girlfriend doesn't want me to do this, though, because she doesn't want me to be deployed. It's not like we're engaged or married, so how much should I let her opinion weigh in on decision making? Obviously It has to, to some degree. It's not like she's giving me an ultimatium or anything. She said she would support me if I decide to do this.

Our side-by-side answers are here. I'm curious though, what would you answer?

Recent Roundup

Today I joined radio host Debbie Chavez to talk about being single, hoping for marriage, living like you're planning to marry and more in an interview about Get Married.

The interview was live but she's posted a link to the archive here.

Also today, Ted ran my article How to Pray for a Husband

on Boundless. If you've read "Pray Boldly," this will read like a part 2. If you haven't, it's a primer on the way we approach God in our desire for marriage. Here's an excerpt:

Things may not turn out how you want. In C.S. Lewis' The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Susan asked Mr. Beaver about Aslan saying, "Is he — quite safe?" Mr. Beaver replied, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." You can know that wherever your journey with Him leads, it will be good.

Believe God is able. Trust Him. But know that believing and trusting aren't the same as setting yourself up for bitter disappointment if He doesn't answer you the way you hope He will. God is calling us to faith, like Shadrach, Mesach and Abednego. (keep reading)

Suzanne Gosselin blogged about the article on theBoundless Line blog, talking about how she prayed for marriage when she was single, and how her husband prayed for her.

Yesterday I answered a question from a woman who dated a non-believer, conceived his child, had a miscarriage, and is now wondering if she needs to tell her family. That and how to move forward in a new relationship that has the potential to go to marriage. You can read her question and my answer in "Hope for a Broken Life."

Dear Overweight Woman

Does that describe you? If so, I've written a post with you in mind, and on my heart. Here's an excerpt.

I've been overweight and I've been the ideal weight, and I know the frustration and discouragement and agony that attends the former. But do not despair. There is hope. The overweight believer has just as much reason to hope for marriage as does the physically ideal one. Why? Because God is able. And marriage is a gift from him; not a reward for those who manage to fit the current ideal of beauty.

When you're overweight, it's easy to think everyone's always looking down on you. But there is more to the story. To read the rest of my post, visit the Boundless Line.

Behind the Scenes of the Boundless webcast

Last week the Boundless team pulled together their first-ever live webcast. The goal: to raise money for the ministry of Boundless. The means: amazing real-time technology. The result: a powerful look at the "life-on-life" ministries of Focus on the Family, including their Wait No More initiative to place foster kids in forever-families, Adventures in Odyssey, Screwtape Letters audio drama featuring Andy Serkis (voice of Gollum in LOTR) and a lightning-fast round of Q&As with yours truly.

When I wasn't in front of the camera answering as many questions as I could in five minutes, I was behind my own Canon, snapping photos. Here are a few of my favorites.

If you missed the show, it's not too late. To watch the Q&As, just scroll ahead to minute 43:53.

I hope you'll consider making a donation!

Thanks for watching.

Love in Any Language

Most women want to marry well. It's not just an American thing. That's why I'm super excited by this.

Can you tell what it is?

Here's another hint.

Got it?

No?

OK, how about this?

The cover's the real giveaway!

Now you know. Get Married has been published in Chinese! Thanks to Campus Crusade for Christ, Taiwan, the message of being intentional about marrying well for God's glory is now available in another language, across the sea!

Photography Lessons, 2

And now for Harrison's picks.

He's a boy with an eye for patterns. And after getting hold of my Lightroom, he displayed his penchant for bumped-up colors, too.

I'm a fan of his shots in black and white.